Thou Shalt What?

From Chaz at The Teapot:

The Bible...

• Permits polygamy [Leviticus 18:18]
• Prohibits sexual intercourse when a woman has her period, under penalty of exile [Leviticus 20:18]
• Sanctions selling your daughter into slavery [Exodus 21:7]
• Bans tattoos [Leviticus 19:28]
• Prohibits eating rare meat [Leviticus 7:24]
• Bans wearing clothes that are made from a blend of textiles, under penalty of death [Leviticus 19:19]
• Prohibits cross-breeding livestock, under penalty of death [Leviticus 19:19]
• Bans sowing a field with mixed seed, under penalty of death [Leviticus 19:19]
• Prohibits eating pigs, rabbits, or some forms of seafood [Leviticus 11:10]
• Requires Saturday to be reserved as the Sabbath, under penalty of death [Leviticus 24:8]
• States that you may not approach the altar of God if you have a defect in your sight [Lev 21:20]

And last, but by no means least, prohibits the touching of the skin of a dead pig [Leviticus 11:8] which makes the football game in question, unless all the players are wearing gloves, a direct act against God and the Bible. Clearly, a lot of laws and directives in the bible have had to yield to the evolution of society and civilization.

But Bible contradictions are so much FUN!

From the Anti-Church forum

And there are so many of them! Like Evans says, the more "bollocks" there is contained in the scriptures, the more faith is needed to believe in them. Why don't we atheists (I don't necessarily include you in that number, Franknhonest) just continue pointing these delicious contradictions out to the Christians and watching them squirm and tie themselves up in knots as they try to resolve them ("Oh, St. Paul was speaking figuratively"), while hoping that a few Christians will see the ludicrousness of the position they adopt and abandon their love affair with the Bible?

And anyway, if the Bible is supposed to be God's word to us here on Earth... what a crap God! Is that the best he can come up with? Why doesn't he tell us about the laws of physics? About how he created everything? About what Jupiter's there for? About why we have four fingers when three would do? About the risks of global warming?

And more to the point, why does he use up his holy book telling us about how it's OK to make an adulterous woman drink poison, or for a man to eat his own poo, or how he c0cked up Creation so badly that he had to wipe out the entire population (only on this planet, of course) and start again? (That's a bit of an admission, isn't it?) Why is he so troubled about mixing fibres in cloth? Why does he like slavery? Why is he so keen on killing people? What's wrong with cutting your temple hair? Why can't I admire my neighbour's ass? (I do, as it happens... she's got a rather gorgeous one! Oh, well... Hell for me, I guess!) Get your act together, God. It's time for a re-write!

More fun contradictions to unravel:

Matthew says, (1: 16) "That Joseph was the son of Jacob."
Luke says, (3: 23) "That Joseph was the son of Heli." Who is correct?

Was the Last Supper a Passover Seder, see Matt 26: 17-20, Mark 14: 12, Luke 22:7, or rather the Day of Preparation for the Passover as in John 19: 14.

Was Abiathar the High Priest when David ate the Consecrated bread as Jesus claimed? In Mark 2: 25-26. Where as the Tanach (O. T.) shows in 1 Sam.21: 1, that the High Priest at the time was Ahimelech..

THE FATHER AND I ARE ONE.
In John 10: 30 "I and My Father are one." Does this mean what it says or is there another way of looking at it? John. 17: 21-22, "That they all may be one, as, You, Father, are in me, and I in you; that they also may be one in us, that the world may believe that You sent me. And the glory which You gave me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one."

This suggests to me that Jesus and GOD are not literally one, but that he (Jesus) suggested that he and God were in one accord.

CAN GOD BE TEMPTED BY EVIL? Hebrew.2:18. "For in that he himself (Jesus) has suffered, being tempted, he is able to aid those who are tempted."

James 1:13 says, "Let no one say when he is tempted, I am tempted by God; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone."

If Jesus is God, and God cannot be tempted by evil , then why was Jesus tempted by the devil?

In the King James version. Acts 12: 4, uses the word "easter" (this word has pagan origin) instead of the original word "passover."

In the same version in 1 John 5: 7, "For there are three that bear witness in heaven;the Father, the Word, and the Holy Spirit, and these three are one, and there are three that bear witness on earth; the Spirit, the water, and the blood, and these three agree as one."

The bold type underlined words of this text, were probably added by the Editors of the Latin Vulgate in the fourth century. c.e. They are not found in earlier manuscripts, prior to the Latin Vulgate. Other translations have omitted the above, with the exception of New King James.

What about peace? John 14:27. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I bring unto you." But in Matt.10:34. "Think not that that I have come to send peace on earth, I come not to send peace but a sword."

Did Paul's men hear a voice? Acts 9:7. "And the men who journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice, but seeing no man." Where as in Acts 22:9. "And that were with me saw indeed the light, and were afraid but they heard not the voice of him that spoke to me."

Did Michal have children? 11 Sam. 6:23. "Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death." Where as 11 Sam. 21:8. " But the kings took the 2 sons of Rizpah, and the 5 sons of Michal the daughter of Saul." May we ask. What is "Truth.?"

Battleground God

Can your beliefs about religion make it across an intellectual battleground? Take the test

In this activity you’ll be asked a series of 17 questions about God and religion. In each case, apart from Question 1, you need to answer True or False. The aim of the activity is not to judge whether these answers are correct or not. This battleground is that of rational consistency. This means to get across without taking any hits, you’ll need to answer in a way which is rationally consistent. What this means is you need to avoid choosing answers which contradict each other. If you answer in a way which is rationally consistent but which has strange or unpalatable implications, you’ll be forced to bite a bullet.

Why this universe?

If your God is omnipotent (all-powerful, able to do anything), omnibenevolent (all-loving), omniscient (all-knowing) and the creator of all that exists, then we have a problem.

When your God created the universe, being all-knowing, she must have known about all the suffering there would be in this world. Yet God still created it, as it is. She did not create a more benign version of the universe, or simply choose not to create the universe. Why is this?

It could be that God did not know about all the suffering which would occur. But that would make God not all-knowing. It could be that God doesn't mind all the suffering, but that would make her less than all-loving. It could be that God could not have created a more benign world than this one. But that would seem to make God less than all-powerful. The only way we can resolve this problem is to conclude that God can only do what is possible and that this really is the best of all possible worlds. The metaphysical engineers find it hard to model this resolution as they think they can make a better world quite easily. For example, they are able to make human brains more hardy and thus reduce the incidence of psychopathology, resulting in an immediate decline, in their model, of crimes of sadistic murder. Are they mistaken in some way?

God is good, God is great, God kills and murders

The Which one of the following statements is false?

1) God is omnipotent.
2) God could not free the Jews in Exodus, without killing children.

God went on huge killing sprees in the old testament when he was in his 4000 year old bad mood of rage and smoting - Was it PMS perhaps - Pre Messiah Syndrome? You would have thought he'd have been in a worse mood after his creation nailed up his favourite son to a big T... T for trouble! But nah, we're all forgiven because of that awesome sacrifice, however that works.

Before he got all lovey dovey and nice he racked up a pretty huge body count. The guy on the following website estimates 2,270,365 dead in his moody acts of genecide.

Bible body count

And god has no problem killing babies and children and innocent bystanders. The crazy part is that Christians have trained themselves to gloss over this baby killing aspect of God. Some might even be reading this sentence in their minds with a delete key tidying up the mess as they go. They either throw it into their brain's recycle bin or they condone the mass baby killing as the act of something they believe is infinitely more wiser than we.

"All the little cute bundles of widdle biddie joy.. giggling and goo-gaaing. Slaughtered at God's command. Slaugtered and spared not!" - ... okay.. press erase... ...now!

The New testament writers jumped on this bandwagon and thought.. "Well, God doesn't have a problem killing babies, let's write in a son for him, (an only son- they Jumped the shark on this one to get more readers) let's have him.. ummm... allow his only son to die.. no no.. don't write off the character forever.. just have him die for a few days.

God's most embarrassing moments

David said:

And I just had to share what has to be the most ridiculous miracle of all time (at least, I hope so). It takes place in the story of Gideon. Here is Judges 6:36-40, And Gideon said to God, If You will save Israel by my hand, as You have said, 37 behold, I will put a fleece of wool in the grain-floor. And if the dew is on the fleece only, and dry upon all the ground, then I shall know that You will save Israel by my hand, as You have said.

LOL, yeah god, don't go out or your way or anything... wouldn't want to put you out. I think Moses would have been annoyed having to climb a whole damn mountain (more than once) to talk with the guy(god) - especially after only having to previously converse through a local fiery bush. Now he has to climb? What, God couldn't come down the mountain? Does he really have to promote the idea that he's physically above us? Such an ego.

I think God probably regrets the following posts in his Blog.
He should edit them:

Deuteronomy 25: 11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

Deuteronomy 22: 28 If a man is caught in the act of raping a young woman who is not engaged, he must pay fifty pieces of silver to her father. 29 Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he will never be allowed to divorce her.

Ecclesiastes 3: 19 Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: as one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless.

Numbers 31: 17 Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known a man by sleeping with him. 18 But all the young girls who have not known a man by sleeping with him, keep alive for yourselves.

Jeremiah 25: 27 "Then tell them, 'This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Drink, get drunk and vomit, and fall to rise no more because of the sword I will send among you.'
Hosea 1: 2 When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, "Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the LORD."

Leviticus 20: 27 A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones; their blood shall be upon them.

Leviticus 21: 18 For no one who has a defect shall approach: a blind man, or a lame man, or he that hath a flat nose, of anything superfluous.

Malachi 2: 3 Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces.

Isaiah 13: 15 Whoever is found will be thrust through, and whoever is caught will fall by the sword. 16 Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses will be plundered, and their wives ravished.

1 Corinthians 8 For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. 9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.


Luke 19: 27 But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.

Psalms 137: 9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the rocks.

Deuteronomy 21: 18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, 19 then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out 20 unto the elders of his city, and 21 all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die.

Proverbs 20: 30 Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.

Numbers 31: 17 Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known a man by sleeping with him. 18 But all the young girls who have not known a man by sleeping with him, keep alive for yourselves.

2 Kings 6: 28 This woman said to me, "Give up your son; we will eat him today, and we will eay my son tomorrow." 29 So we cooked my son and ate him.

Matthew 19:12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; ...and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.

Deuteronomy 22:5 A woman shall not wear man's clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman's clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your GOD.

Check out russell's teapot for the full list and accompanying posters. Some of them contain images that will haunt you forever though.. eek! Be warned! Highly recommended.