Happy Raptureday Blockhead

Twiddle dee, diddle dee dee
Armageddon, it cometh for thee
The world will end
all knees will bend
The raptured singing with glee

Twiddle dee, diddle dee Do'h
Everything you cherish shall go
The sky to blood
your flesh to mud
Sit back and enjoy the show

We'll fiddle while watching Rome burn
I knew they never would learn
Just drop the bomb
we'll sing along
as your god makes his return

Twiddle dee, diddle dee die
You won't even have time to cry
No time to blink
or smell the stink
of your flesh about to fry

Jesus is coming back, and this time, it's personal.

I've been picking on Jesus a bit lately. I'm sure he can take it but I'll give him a rest for a while. He'll be back. At least, that's what he keeps saying...

Layguy (a Christian blogger) is tired of all the petty little "Jesus loves you" glitter things posted on his page. He goes onto say:

Don’t these people understand that when Jesus returns, He will have the blood of His enemies dripping off His robe? That the armies of Heaven will be following Him? That the wine-press of God’s wrath is about to go into overdrive and He is appointed to lead this?

Christians find it very easy to love the idea that Jesus is going to wreak havoc and mayham when he comes 'back'. He'll finally whoop all the asses of people who didn't buy into their shtick.

Did anyone see that cartoon on The P.R. Christian Broadcasting Network starring Jesus as a Kung Fu expert who wanders the Middle East fighting evil? Titled, "Jesus: Fists of Glory', the cartoon was part of a campaign by Christian fundamentalists to change American perceptions of everyone's favorite Lord and Savior.

"We're very excited about this new direction for Jesus," continued Elson. "Hopefully it will lead a whole new generation of assertive, patriotic Americans to know our Lord and savior, and smash his enemies."

Together the three friends wander the Middle East looking for adventures. "We've kept it consistent with the Bible," Elson insists. "In the cartoon Jesus is in his early twenties, so it's still some years before the events mentioned in the New Testament. There's nothing in the bible that says he wasn't a wandering Kung Fu expert during his twenties."

... Sigh ... I mean, it is 'right' for us to worry about these fundies isn't it? There's plenty of mental Christians out there to justify this much chatting about them... ya think? Oh and Layguy:

Arnie the Anti-christ

DALLAS — Anti-christ watchdog groups say Arnold Schwarzenegger, governor of California, is far and away the most likely man in the world to be the anti-christ.

Anti-Christ Watch, a non-profit organization, says Schwarzenegger fits the biblical profile almost perfectly: He comes from Europe and is amassing power and influence across a wide spectrum of occupations. He has astonished Californians with his deft solutions to budget problems. He is also history's most successful actor, in dollar terms, and one of the most successful athletes.

"Everybody loves him," says Bible expert Sean Terking. "They think he can do no
wrong. That's scary."

Many evangelical prophecy teachers see the European Union as the ten-horned confederation of Revelation 17:7-8 from which the anti-christ will arise (see Daniel 9:26). Schwarzenegger's home country of Austria belongs to the Union.

Recently, Schwarzenegger has lobbied for an amendment to the Constitution, which states that the president must have been born in the U.S. He has batted around the idea of running for president someday.

To cap off the theory, Terking points out that "schwarzenegger" means "black plowman." "He is the sower of a dark harvest," says Terking. "Anyone who's missing these signs is in for a rude surprise."