Charlie Sheen vs. Jesus Christ - Animated

When Hoth freezes over

(From I-Mockery) After Han Solo learns that Luke hasn't come back in from his patrol on Hoth and he's stuck outside in the freezing cold, Han tells an Echo Base officer that he's going to go out to look for his friend. The officer warns him that his tauntaun will freeze before he reaches the first marker, and Han replies "Then I'll see you in Hell!" and kicks his tauntaun into first gear. Mentioning such an Earth-specific concept like "Hell" seems really out-of-place in a Star Wars movie (especially when no religion other than the Force is ever mentioned), and it's always stuck out in my mind every time he says it. But he says it in such a totally dickish way that it never fails to make me grin, even though it does seem oddly out of place.

The Terminator saves Jesus (Youtube - MadTV)

Hasta La Vista Baby Jesus - He'll be back.

Jesus escapes boat crash

Offensive Youtubes - Funny, but not Christian friendly

The following clips are funny, but offensive to any of my Christian friends, so be warned:

Jesus loves you

He doesn't want to send you to hell, but he will if you don't love him back.

He loves us unconditionally, but with conditions.

Jesus, Look at the time!

Keep your eye on Jesus. Buy it here... and check out some very cool gadget gift products.

Supergod Returns - the story so far...

God creates the universe and every creeping thing.
Giant lizards go on a rampage and eat up everything.

God creates legions of winged friendly creatures.
One of them stages a mutiny and takes on horny features.

God creates some human pets and gives them paradise.
Walking snake tricks them up and things don't go so nice.

Adam and Eve are banished and from the garden hurled.
Homicidal son sleeps with sisters to populate the world.

Civilisation develops and the people try again.
God is still not happy, so drowns everyone with rain.

Ten commandments given, but in case we're feeling clever.
God makes hell to punish sinners forever and forever.

God plants his holy semen in a virgin to breed a super son.
but people whipped him to shreds and killed him just for fun.

Superman returns from death and grants eternal life to some.
and promised soon (or 2000 years) would have his second come.

Jesus is with us Always, whether we want Him to be or not.

Bible Fight

The game, which incorporates the style of the video game Mortal Kombat, features God, Eve, Noah, Moses, Mary, Satan, and Jesus, who "battle' it out to determine who is the "mightiest" of scripture characters. When one of the characters is injured, blood splatters off of them.

The intro to the game reads: "(Holy music) In the beginning, there was a contest of strength amongst the most prominent figures in scripture to determine the mightiest. The tale of this great rivalry was thought lost forever. Until now."

Once you've chosen a character for battle and continue to the arena, one of which is 'The Garden of Eden', the fight begins. The character Eve, for example, is scantily covered in leaves and detailed to be an 'attractive' female figure. Jesus' mother Mary holds baby Jesus while she uses her halo as a weapon, so on and so forth. The game is considered blasphemous, and an insult to the Christian religion by some... which makes it all the more fun.

Some Christian Commentators:

Christian one - "Any game that features a religion's 'Messiah' and savior being beaten by Satan, God, or any other Biblical character as entertainment is wrong, and if this was another religion, the maker would be admonished and punished severely."

Christian two - I'm shocked!!! Just another reason why I am SOOOOOO glad we never allowed an X-box or any other gaming system into the home!! Yes, we're Christians, but I have to admit single mom , you are walking in MORE DISCERNMENT than those "christians" who thought the game was a "good idea"......

Christian TJ - Jesus fighting Moses, Mary against Eve? This is total hogwash blasphemy. It is a sign though...the true Christ is coming for His true followers.....

Christian Robert - Before a man comes to Christ, he hates the law of God: his whole soul rises up against it - "the carnal mind is emnity against God. . ."

David Niles Jr - This is Apostasy, Apostasy in the most vile form. Come Lord Jesus!

Corinne - This makes me want to cry and throw up. The goats will be more recognizeable as goats the more we as His sheep reflect the awesome glory of Jesus Christ in our lives.

Linda - This makes me want to cry. I cannot believe this is marketed as a "Christian" video game. Even the graphics look Satanic. Lord have mercy on those who created this game, who play this game, and who believe this game to be harmless fun.

Sam -It's a Flash game on the Adult Swim website. If you think this is blasphemous...well, you've obviously never watched their show "Moral Orel" to see just how far they will go in blasphemy and debasing Christian faith. I dare you to sit through one 15-minute episode without vomiting.

Nathaniel - I have seen many things in this world that are very wrong, but this takes it to an entirely new level.

Carolyn - Quite simply, that has to be one of the most blaspemous and irreverent things I have EVER seen.

Atheist - This is rediculous! You die hard Christians proclaim BLASPHEMY and qoute scripture everytime a controversial subject pops up. If he loves me so much, why should a fusion of cartoons and miniscule violence insult "him"? Video games are works of fiction. Just like God and his son.

Practical joke: Jesus walking on water - Funny!

Jesus is coming back, and this time, it's personal.

I've been picking on Jesus a bit lately. I'm sure he can take it but I'll give him a rest for a while. He'll be back. At least, that's what he keeps saying...

Layguy (a Christian blogger) is tired of all the petty little "Jesus loves you" glitter things posted on his page. He goes onto say:

Don’t these people understand that when Jesus returns, He will have the blood of His enemies dripping off His robe? That the armies of Heaven will be following Him? That the wine-press of God’s wrath is about to go into overdrive and He is appointed to lead this?

Christians find it very easy to love the idea that Jesus is going to wreak havoc and mayham when he comes 'back'. He'll finally whoop all the asses of people who didn't buy into their shtick.

Did anyone see that cartoon on The P.R. Christian Broadcasting Network starring Jesus as a Kung Fu expert who wanders the Middle East fighting evil? Titled, "Jesus: Fists of Glory', the cartoon was part of a campaign by Christian fundamentalists to change American perceptions of everyone's favorite Lord and Savior.

"We're very excited about this new direction for Jesus," continued Elson. "Hopefully it will lead a whole new generation of assertive, patriotic Americans to know our Lord and savior, and smash his enemies."

Together the three friends wander the Middle East looking for adventures. "We've kept it consistent with the Bible," Elson insists. "In the cartoon Jesus is in his early twenties, so it's still some years before the events mentioned in the New Testament. There's nothing in the bible that says he wasn't a wandering Kung Fu expert during his twenties."

... Sigh ... I mean, it is 'right' for us to worry about these fundies isn't it? There's plenty of mental Christians out there to justify this much chatting about them... ya think? Oh and Layguy:

Masturbating really pisses Jesus off

He had his wrist nailed so that we could exercise ours...

Your sins are forgiven, but stop masturbating... it makes Jesus angry 'cause he's forced into watching you do it in all his omnipresence. Enjoy the following Youtube I found at

Miracle statue of Jesus shoots sparks (Luckily it's not the chocolate one)

Yep, it's Jesus week on the Moth-Blog. It's not his birthday or his death/resurrection anniversary, but umm, well, maybe it's his bahmitzvah or baptism rememberance. You heard it here first folks.

Crowd flocks to see spark shooting statue:

A statue of Jesus Christ is causing a sensation at an art gallery after witnesses said they saw sparks shooting from its eyes.

People are claiming the steel and bronze figure possesses miraculous powers and some visitors have taken to kneeling at its feet.

The sculpture, created by artist Brian Burgess, is on display at the Liverpool Academy of Art.

The steel and bronze work, titled 'Cleansing of the Temple', portrays an angry Jesus brandishing a whip ready to drive out the moneylenders from the temple.

Academy manager June Lurnie says its one of the most controversial works ever displayed there.

She added: 'Some people have said the portrait is evil and they can see sparks in Jesus's eyes. Others actually kneel down and go into a trance convinced they are connecting with God.'

Sculptor Burgess said: 'It began when one woman who saw the statue fell to her knees and began praying.

'She was transfixed for more than thirty minutes and when she came out of the trance she said she had witnessed sparks coming from the eyes of the Christ figure.

'Now the word has spread and we have hoards of people coming along to pray and venerate the statue and many of them have said they have witnessed these sparks too.'

He added: 'I worked on the piece for about a year but I never saw any sparks apart from those coming from the welding torch.'

LOOKIN' GOOD FOR JESUS MINI KIT

Thanks again Snakechic (Blog contributor?). I don't know if this thing is a satire product or not! Body cream from Jesus? With sparkle? You're doing a pretty good sell if you can get preteens to theme their make up around a bearded middle-aged man rather than Bratz.

Snakey - Children raised by 'the christian'...are getting a fair whack of christian marketing in order to get them interested...yeah ..OF COURSE 'the christian' knows how little interest the bible provides in this day & age... Have you seen these toys....? *smirk*

"Redeems you in his eyes and takes the edge off sinning. Our glorious kit contains a mirrored Jesus statuette, vanilla nectar lip balm, Easter-Lily hand & body cream (with sparkle!) and a folding mirror compact."

looking good for jesus product site

Socrates meets Jesus (and gets some serious pwnage)

Click the image to view the discussion

There is one basic question that has always been uppermost in my mind. With my limited understanding, it often seems to me that life, even with all its sound and fury, really signifies nothing. Please tell me: How should a man live; what is the purpose of life?

Jesus - Simply because there is some evil in the world does not negate the good: You must thank God for that. God must exist because; where did the world come from if he did not create it?

Socrates - It is not necessarily your God that created the world: There are thousands of other priests who claim that their God did it. Just because I do not have the answer, does not mean that I must accept yours without examining it. I could just as logically demand that you believe that Zeus created the world. Even if I agree that God created the world, that is the end of the definition of the qualities of God and we can't logically proceed from that to the assumption that the other aspects of your definition of God are correct.

Comedy Jesus

The Comedy Jesus Show Turns Fundamentalist Past into Comedy

Produced by Creative Mindworks, this comedy tour features a collection of characters based on the religious past of comedian and former Phoenix native Troy Conrad. The show's mission: to use standup, short films, animation, improvisation, along with the help of Powerpoint to illuminate the social problems caused by blind obedience to religion. With the popularity of books like Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, Tim LaHaye's Left Behind Series, and Christopher Hitchens' God is Not Great, religion in America is on the forefront of the National dialogue.

"Audiences ready to laugh about the insanity that irrational beliefs have caused, and YouTube has made the show more popular," says Troy Conrad, producer of The Comedy Jesus Show. "People are slowly waking up to the idea that they can be spiritual without religion, and use beliefs for unity and not exclusion and division. Religion has always been a divider, not a uniter. Laughter gives us power over the those divisions."

Enter the star of the show, Jesus Christ, who appears in the show to do standup briefly before improvising answers to questions written down by the audience. Jesus is here for one reason: to set the record straight about his story. "I don't have any ?personal relationship' with George W. Bush" Jesus quips, "His prayers go right into my spam folder." Jesus also informs his audience of an interplanetary contest: "There are 20 planets just like Earth. We gave each one religion and nuclear weapons to see if they could pass the test. So far, half of them are gone, but I'm pulling for Earth to do well on ?Last Planet Standing.' Good luck kids."

It's Chappelle's Show meets Real Time meets one-person show meets... Jesus.

Ex-Christian.net

What would Jesus do? An image challenge

The challenge was to put Jesus in an interesting scenario, like a news story, some advertising or an historical event and try and second guess his actions. The results are hilarious, and for some reason it feels very naughty to look at... but... I... can't.. turn... away. MY EYES!!!

WHAT WOULD JESUS CLICK?
This is evil, wicked, mean and nasty
and the authors will be tortured in
Hell for this forever and ever and ever.
But sometimes a good joke is worth it.
(there's 21 pages of these!)

Elvis and Jesus

August 16. The day the king died... Bless you, bless you very much.

You ain't nothin' but a human,

Sinnin' all the time,

Just an ungrateful human,

Sinnin' all the time,

No, you don't deserve salvation,

But you can be a friend of mine...

Jesus is alive, Elvis is alive. What's the difference? See here and the following for similaries:

Jelvis

Jesus walked on water.

Elvis surfed (Blue Hawaii, 1965).

Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.

Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

Jesus was resurrected. Elvis had the famous 1968 "Comeback" TV special and many posthumous mall sightings.

Jesus said: "Love thy neighbor." (Matthew 22:39)
Elvis said: "Don't be cruel." (RCA, 1956)

Jesus is the Lord's shepherd.
Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd.

Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25)
Elvis surfed on water. (Blue Hawaii, Paramount, 1965)

Jesus' entourage, the Apostles, had 12 members.
Elvis' entourage, the Memphis Mafia, had 12 members.

Matthew was one of Jesus' many biographers. (The Gospel According to Matthew)
Neil Matthews was one of Elvis' many biographers. (Elvis: A Golden Tribute)

"[Jesus] appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow." (Matthew 28:3)
Elvis wore snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts.

Jesus lived in state of grace in a Near Eastern land.
Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state.

Jesus was the lamb of God.
Elvis had mutton chop sideburns.

Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone."
Elvis liked his sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas.

Jesus was regarded by some to have been an extraordinary prophet.
Elvis was regarded by some to have made an extraordinary profit.

For more 'astounding' and eerie comparisons see here and here

Sweet Chocolate Jesus - this is my body, take and eat

Art is art and anything that produces a reaction or an emotion can be art. Jesus has had his image modelled more times that Princess Diana was photographed, but his 'graven' image is a bit too much of a statement for some. Remember the 'Piss Christ' that caused such a furore some years ago? It like shis is a statement and it's intepretive. I think that Christ being chocolate, nude, shaved and dark are all interestingly bizarre. To mention the chocolate bar would be sacrilicious, so I won't (Mmmm Sacrilicious - Homer J. Simpson).

NEW YORK - A planned Holy Week exhibition of a nude, anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ was canceled Friday amid a choir of complaining Catholics that included Cardinal Edward Egan.

The "My Sweet Lord" display was shut down by the hotel that houses the Lab Gallery in midtown Manhattan, said Matt Semler, the gallery's creative director. Semler said he submitted his resignation after officials at the Roger Smith Hotel shut down the show. The six-foot sculpture was the victim of "a strong-arming from people who haven't seen the show, seen what we're doing," Semler said. "They jumped to conclusions completely contrary to our intentions."

But word of the confectionary Christ infuriated Catholics, including Egan, who described it as "a sickening display." Bill Donohue, head of the watchdog Catholic League, said it was "one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever."

The artwork was created from more than 200 pounds of milk chocolate, and features Christ with his arms outstretched as if on an invisible cross. Unlike the typical religious portrayal of Christ, the Cavallaro creation does not include a loincloth.

Speaking of appetite, in Pennsylvania, Jesus became the subject of a holy war over candy as chocolate lovers questioned whether they should consume bars featuring the image of the Son of God.

"I just don't think that you should eat anything that's Jesus," Liz Samuel told the Bucks County Courier Times. "It's OK to eat the cross as long as God is not on it."

Chocolatier Pamela Roberts told the paper she was reluctant at first to sell "The Last Supper" bars: "Sometimes I think it could be a sacrilege. But the nuns just love them."

Fox News were debating - I am not making this up - if the Easter Bunny should have his name changed.They were also talking about how some people are now getting chocolate crosses in their Easter baskets.

I think the that whole idea of a giant bunny that gives chocolate eggs in the middle of the night is a little...creepy, but do christians really think that when Jesus comes back he'll want to see another cross?Isn't that about like giving the Kennedy children chocolate sniper rifles? (Link)

----Jesus Flapjacks?----