Protection for the Catholics...better than garlic!
Showing posts with label Youtube - Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Youtube - Funny. Show all posts
Touched by an Atheist
Found at Ex-Christian.net - Not guy bustingly funny, but it's aint-christian humour, which we like at this blog:
In this short video, the American sketch comedy television program, MADtv, parodies the American television series, Touched by and Angel. George Carlin even takes the Pope to heaven.
In this short video, the American sketch comedy television program, MADtv, parodies the American television series, Touched by and Angel. George Carlin even takes the Pope to heaven.
Kissing Hank's Ass
(Transcript sample below)
This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:
John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."
Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"
John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."
Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"
John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."
Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."
Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"
Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."
John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."
Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"
Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."
Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"
John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."
Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"
Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."
Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"
John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."
Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"
John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."
Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"
Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."
Continue here...
Jesus loves you
He doesn't want to send you to hell, but he will if you don't love him back.
He loves us unconditionally, but with conditions.
Bible Dude takes on Net Pirates - Mad TV
Thanks given to The Perplexed Observer for finding this clip.
Creation Science 101 (musical parody)
Thanks Roy Zimmerman for posting at Ex-Christian.net
"Creation Science 101" is on my album "Faulty Intelligence" available on my website and on iTunes. -- Roy Zimmerman
Gay Jesus
Ok, my blog's got to a point where it's basically turned into a dumping ground for Youtube videos that I think adequately take the piss out of religion. That's ok isn't it? I'm still fascinated by having access to video online since going Broadband in six months ago - I've actually downloaded 8oo gig in that time. Amazing! I love living in the Download 'Age'. Imagine how many more sinners are going to be damned nowadays because of the easy access to porn and the ability to 'steal' movies from home.
I've lost my fire for long diatribes about the ridiculousness of religion and I'm preaching to the atheistic 'choir' here I think, in general. Not that I care or wish for a christian audience... they'd only want to pop in and tell me how much god loves me no matter how much I disbelieve or apparently 'hate' him, and that he will send me to a torturous hell should I not realise that before the rapture fairies take them all away.
I especially like it when I find videos that will offend Christian sensibilities and have them walking off in a huff, saying things like, "Well, I never!"
Pat Condell is able to offend very well with his recently ever so politely spoken piece - "Was Jesus Gay?" - enjoy, I found this on ex-Christian.net where I suspect most of you have already watched it.
Keith Allen and Crazy Christians
Check out Benny Hinn swiping his jacket at people to slay them. Fuck, they're stupid cunts.
I don't usually swear that heavily but holy fuck... I look at what some people will let themselves get sucked into and I just gotta say... get off the fucking planet or do something that doesn't embarrass yourself so god damn much.
I needed a rant tonight. Thanks, come again. And thanks http://www.nullifidian.net/ for the following video. I hadn't heard of Keith Allen before.
God Bowl (Part one)
The world's most powerful religions take the stage in an all out battle royal of cosmic proportions. All except for Buddhism, The Dalai Lama has peacefully bowed out of the competition.
Have you ever been abducted by aliens or spoken in tongues?
Bindi - Many psychologists ( not me yet! ) have studied the reported 'alien kidnappings', and one of the conclusions is that the kidnappings never occurred. However, the people making the claims are not necessarily mentally ill, nor are they lying.. These are by and large people who have 'remembered' their 'experiences' while undergoing therapy, and often under hypnosis. Tales of alien abduction are widely known throughout our culture, so it is not at all suprising that the 'memories' of 'kidnap victims' would tend to coincide. 'Abductees' generally claim that they are awakened during their sleep by the aliens and are unable to move. We know that many of our voluntary muscles-the ones that involve movement- become 'paralyzed' when we sleep, which is why we usually don't thrash around when we dream. 'Hallucinations' - that is, seeing and hearing things that are not really there - are quite common as we are waking from a sleep-paralyzed state - ( I can't tell you the amount of times Ive sat bolt-upright in bed with my eyes wide open fighting of hundreds of spiders that are hanging around my face! lol! ) - and it seems the reported experiences of 'abductees' fit the pattern. People are quite open to suggestion, especially during hypnosis. Memories are not perfect snapshots. "UFO" memories may be constructed from bits and pieces of sleep-related hallucinations, nightmares and media attention fixed solidly into place with the suggestion of hypnosis and the validation of support groups. I guess the same could be said for those of us who have had various 'experiences' with God. Our conviction is further validated by those around us who have 'experienced' the same. Dare I suggest, brainwashing??
ME (Moth) - I used to write-off all the alien and ghost stories as Satan's little army of demons playing silly bugger with us. Those mischievous little minxes and their tricks - crazy rascally little scallywags! Ahh, ya gotta love 'em. Christians would have us believe that all their crazy demon/angel/jesus sightings are above board, while the Mary/E.T./poltergeist sightings are induced by Mr Devil himself... the ultimate trickster. I have to say, that anyone who starts seeing mythological creatures in their own physical peripheral vision needs to really have a good long hard think about how much sleep they are getting and what unnatural substances they are allowing to seep through their lungs and stomach linings.
The bible has its own built-in clauses to explain away people like myself and that makes the whole thing work wonderfully. It would seem a strong delusion spell has been cast on me in order for me to believe a lie, and that I was 'not ever of them'. Whatever works for them, but I really think this is a cop out. If this delusion spell is on me then my freewill has been compromised and therefore my ability to work out my salvation has been biased and is not in my favour. That's a bit unfair don't you think?
Bindi - Yes... I do agree. Our 'free will' has been somewhat compromised. I don't really believe there IS any such thing as 'free will'! We were told... " You have a choice, its your free will, but if you don't do things THIS way, your going to hell and its not a nice place down there. Lots of screaming for all eternity. Burning sulphur. No chance of cooling off, no sirreee! But hey! Its your choice!" What the hell? ( pun intended ) What kind of choice is THAT???
As for seeing beasties, ghosts, gremlins and aliens. I believe its literally 'all in the mind'. Sometimes enhanced with a few mind expanding drugs if that's your thing! But seriously.... these 'things' can be explained away scientifically and therefor I don't believe it has anything to do with the workings of 'Ol' Nick' or is the souls of the dearly departed.
Having said that...what about the stories we here of 'haunted houses' etc? Ive heard some spine tingling stories of peoples experiences in some old, old buildings with a history behind them. How do we explain this? Is this another case of rumours getting around about certain places, stories being told and we have those tales memorized in our minds so when we visit these places, we 'experience' the same??? Is it because we want to have our OWN ghosty stories to tell? Lets face it.. everyone loves a good ghosty story around the campfire!!! There is nothing worse when everyone else has a story to tell and are all excited about telling it and then we turn around and say.. " well, nothing happened to me." Ohhh... what a convo killer! You don't get to be part of all the excited hype! You're left out! No one likes to be left out so we conjure up our OWN story.
Hence the reason why all those alien abductions tell a similar tale. They have heard it before and it becomes locked in their memory. The same can be said for similar stories being told in the churches. Some I truly believe may of been true, but some were 'over dramatized'. No one wanted to be 'left out' in giving an amazing testimony. Anything for a bit of attention.
ME (Moth) - I used to write-off all the alien and ghost stories as Satan's little army of demons playing silly bugger with us. Those mischievous little minxes and their tricks - crazy rascally little scallywags! Ahh, ya gotta love 'em. Christians would have us believe that all their crazy demon/angel/jesus sightings are above board, while the Mary/E.T./poltergeist sightings are induced by Mr Devil himself... the ultimate trickster. I have to say, that anyone who starts seeing mythological creatures in their own physical peripheral vision needs to really have a good long hard think about how much sleep they are getting and what unnatural substances they are allowing to seep through their lungs and stomach linings.
The bible has its own built-in clauses to explain away people like myself and that makes the whole thing work wonderfully. It would seem a strong delusion spell has been cast on me in order for me to believe a lie, and that I was 'not ever of them'. Whatever works for them, but I really think this is a cop out. If this delusion spell is on me then my freewill has been compromised and therefore my ability to work out my salvation has been biased and is not in my favour. That's a bit unfair don't you think?
Bindi - Yes... I do agree. Our 'free will' has been somewhat compromised. I don't really believe there IS any such thing as 'free will'! We were told... " You have a choice, its your free will, but if you don't do things THIS way, your going to hell and its not a nice place down there. Lots of screaming for all eternity. Burning sulphur. No chance of cooling off, no sirreee! But hey! Its your choice!" What the hell? ( pun intended ) What kind of choice is THAT???
As for seeing beasties, ghosts, gremlins and aliens. I believe its literally 'all in the mind'. Sometimes enhanced with a few mind expanding drugs if that's your thing! But seriously.... these 'things' can be explained away scientifically and therefor I don't believe it has anything to do with the workings of 'Ol' Nick' or is the souls of the dearly departed.
Having said that...what about the stories we here of 'haunted houses' etc? Ive heard some spine tingling stories of peoples experiences in some old, old buildings with a history behind them. How do we explain this? Is this another case of rumours getting around about certain places, stories being told and we have those tales memorized in our minds so when we visit these places, we 'experience' the same??? Is it because we want to have our OWN ghosty stories to tell? Lets face it.. everyone loves a good ghosty story around the campfire!!! There is nothing worse when everyone else has a story to tell and are all excited about telling it and then we turn around and say.. " well, nothing happened to me." Ohhh... what a convo killer! You don't get to be part of all the excited hype! You're left out! No one likes to be left out so we conjure up our OWN story.
Hence the reason why all those alien abductions tell a similar tale. They have heard it before and it becomes locked in their memory. The same can be said for similar stories being told in the churches. Some I truly believe may of been true, but some were 'over dramatized'. No one wanted to be 'left out' in giving an amazing testimony. Anything for a bit of attention.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)