Showing posts with label comic/cartoons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comic/cartoons. Show all posts
Discovery of the Super Devil (Family Guy)
TV Announcer: This is Channel 5 news Texas, with Duke Dillon.
Duke: Howdy Texas, I'm Duke Dillon. At the top of the news tonight, authorities have called off their pursuit of a fugitive Rhode Island baby, who was thought to be possessed by the devil.
Lois: Oh, thank god!
Duke: This turn of events came after Vatican scientists announced today, that the devil is not the greatest threat to salvation. Due to last weeks discovery of the Super Devil. Religion reporter Dallas Houston has the story.
Dallas: Thanks Duke, well let me try and get you a clear picture of what we're dealing with here. Here's a photo of the devil, and here's the super devil. Now as you can see, there are some significant differences. The super devil is at least six inches taller, uh, he has a flying motorcycle, and a jar of marmalade that we believe forces you to commit adultery.
Duke: Howdy Texas, I'm Duke Dillon. At the top of the news tonight, authorities have called off their pursuit of a fugitive Rhode Island baby, who was thought to be possessed by the devil.
Lois: Oh, thank god!
Duke: This turn of events came after Vatican scientists announced today, that the devil is not the greatest threat to salvation. Due to last weeks discovery of the Super Devil. Religion reporter Dallas Houston has the story.
Dallas: Thanks Duke, well let me try and get you a clear picture of what we're dealing with here. Here's a photo of the devil, and here's the super devil. Now as you can see, there are some significant differences. The super devil is at least six inches taller, uh, he has a flying motorcycle, and a jar of marmalade that we believe forces you to commit adultery.
Self defense for alter boys
*The self-defense techniques are only to be used on sexually aggressive clergymen. Most priests are swell guys. (This disclaimer presented as a tip o' the hat to Catholic League president William Donohue.)
Jesus vs. Zombies
Hey tha;nks for the heads up Snakey! You rack 'em, I'll stack 'em. This is my kinda comic! Jesus never looked so cool and kick-ass as he does in Loaded Bible's - Jesus vs. Vampires. I've downloaded the torrents already...In this post-apocalyptic future, humans and vampires are at each other's throats, and on the side of the humans is none other than the second coming of Jesus Christ. He kicks major vampire ass, using such clever twists as "Holy Water spit" to burn vamps. There's also a side-story with the Church that causes Jesus to break from them and become a one-man show.
I can nearly imagine Jesus hanging with Buffy or Ash to bust some unrighteous zombie but.
Check out the Youtube below for some screen pics of the comic.
EAT MY FLESH... DRINK MY BLOOD
Top 10 Christian Break Up Lines
10. I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual.
9. I'm sorry, it's just not God's will.
8. I feel called to the ministry...very soon and very far from you.
7. I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic.
6. God loves me and must have a better plan for my life.
5. You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother.
4. At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together.
3. You need someone with lower standards.
2. I think we should just be prayer partners.
1. I do love you, but it's just agape now.
The 10 Craziest Things Rev. Jerry Falwell Ever Said
10. "The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the Devil to keep Christians from running their own country."9. "The ACLU is to Christians what the American Nazi party is to Jews."
8. "I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them. What a happy day that will be!"
7. "AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals. To oppose it would be like an Israelite jumping in the Red Sea to save one of Pharaoh's charioteers ... AIDS is not just God's punishment for homosexuals; it is God's punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals."
6. "Nothing will motivate conservative evangelical Christians to vote Republican in the 2008 presidential election more than a Democratic nominee named Hillary Rodham Clinton - not even a run by the devil himself ...certainly hope that Hillary is the candidate. She has $300 million so far. But I hope she's the candidate. Because nothing will energize my [constituency] like Hillary Clinton. If Lucifer ran, he wouldn't." --at a "Values Voter Summit"
5. "Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
4. "Billy Graham is the chief servant of Satan in America."
3. "He is purple — the gay-pride color, and his antenna is shaped like a triangle — the gay pride symbol." –from a "Parents Alert" issued in Jerry Falwell's National Liberty Journal, warning that "Tinky Winky," a character on the popular PBS children's show, "Teletubbies," may be gay
2. "You've got to kill the terrorists before the killing stops. And I'm for the president to chase them all over the world. If it takes 10 years, blow them all away in the name of the Lord."
1. "The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'" --on the 9/11 attacks.
By The Book Comics
I am considering changing the title of my blog from "Ain't Christian" to "Kirk Cameron is a Shmuck"...
The Bronze Blog: Image Dogtoring #1: Christians & Crusades
Debunking Christianity: You Wouldn't Believe That. Would You?
Debunking Christianity: You Wouldn't Believe That. Would You?
What I find very strange is that if someone told you a snake or ass talked, you wouldn't believe they talked just because someone told you they did. But you believe they did and everything in the Bible precisely because it's in there. You would be skeptical of every single claim in the Bible if someone came running up to you and said an old lady turned into a pillar of salt, or that lifting up the hands of Moses caused a military victory. You wouldn't even believe it if someone else came up to you and confirmed it. You would want to see for yourself, wouldn't you? Or are you truly a gullible person? But you are more than two millenia removed from such claims and all you have is a text that says these things happened. Where are your critical thinking skills? Be consistent. Be as skeptical about those claims as you are about the same claims today. Test these claims as an outsider. If you conclude Christianity is false, then see what you believe, like I have. But I cannot be asked to believe these things actually took place without good evidence. You do realize how superstitious these ancient people were, who heard the messages of the prophets and apostles, didn't you? [I have a long chapter in my book relating such incidents as these]. Then why believe those same stories just because they did?
What I find very strange is that if someone told you a snake or ass talked, you wouldn't believe they talked just because someone told you they did. But you believe they did and everything in the Bible precisely because it's in there. You would be skeptical of every single claim in the Bible if someone came running up to you and said an old lady turned into a pillar of salt, or that lifting up the hands of Moses caused a military victory. You wouldn't even believe it if someone else came up to you and confirmed it. You would want to see for yourself, wouldn't you? Or are you truly a gullible person? But you are more than two millenia removed from such claims and all you have is a text that says these things happened. Where are your critical thinking skills? Be consistent. Be as skeptical about those claims as you are about the same claims today. Test these claims as an outsider. If you conclude Christianity is false, then see what you believe, like I have. But I cannot be asked to believe these things actually took place without good evidence. You do realize how superstitious these ancient people were, who heard the messages of the prophets and apostles, didn't you? [I have a long chapter in my book relating such incidents as these]. Then why believe those same stories just because they did?
They call it outer space because there's mostly nothing there.
I find the thought of an infinity of matter and space as believable as infinity of space and nothing. Time and space is relative and even the incredible distance imagined between the ends of the known universe would make it a pin prick in the endless vacuum of space around that... or between universes. Heck...
Douglas Adams: "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
Creationism - more ho hum stuff from the storybook makers
Frank R. Zindler - Perhaps the greatest danger posed by the creationists results from their almost universal lack of a sense of humor and their incredible credulity. They never laugh when they read each other's books, and they easily can be made to believe almost anything. A society where everyone is gullible will not survive for long, and a world without humor is indistinguishable from hell.
Since Morris Henry Morris, (president of the Institute for Creation Research) teaches that the universe is only a few thousand years old, there is the embarrassing fact that many stars are millions or indeed billions of light-years distant. If the stars themselves are only a few thousand years old, their light should not yet have reached us, and so most of the stars of the universe would be invisible if creationism were true. But Morris can explain:
This problem seems formidable at first, but is easily resolved when the implications of God's creative acts are understood. The very purpose of creation centered in man. Even the angels themselves were created to be "ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation." (Hebrews 1:14). Man was not some kind of afterthought on God's part at all, but was absolutely central in all of His plans.
Some of us have accepted Copernicus' ideas that the earth is the center of the universe but struggle with the idea that we ourselves are not - Moth.
It is even possible that the "light" bathing the earth on the first three days [before the sun was created] was created in space as en route from the innumerable "light bearers" which were yet to be constituted on the fourth day.
In other words, the light we see coming from a star a hundred million light years away has not been traveling for a hundred million years. God created the light close to the Earth; the light never came from a star at all It just looks that way! God, it would seem, has created a world of deceitful, appearances.
Just how Dr. Morris was able to measure the concentration of angels in the vicinity of the planet Earth is not revealed.
Like Billy Graham, Morris seems to think that UFOs are actually angels -- evil angels. "There are a number of Biblical references indicating that in some way the stars may actually participate in human battles".
Hot Chicks - Tracts with my commentary
Remember those Chick tract comic books your mum used to give you to scare you into being good and Christian? This fundy propaganda did to Christianity what Robert Crumb did to alley cats. I love finding parodies of these psychotic little comics, and the ironic thing is that they're originally unintentional parodies of the Catholic-hating fundamentalist doctrines that they are. Millions of these things have been distributed around the world and they're completely freaky shite. I don't know what bewilders me more... that they're designed in comic format to appeal and scare kids or that the writer completely believes and sells this version of reality.
I've just been looking through the Jack tracts on his website and having a great time. It's a unique style all of his own. What really tickled me is many of the comic books are completely redrawn to appeal to black audiences. Obviously black people won't relate to people being thrown into hell fire unless they see black people depicted so. Even the angels are black in the black version. Jack Chick thought of everything. Yep, hell is for all races! yay! The devil looks cooler in the 'black people' version. What do you think?
And those one's weren't the parodies. I'm not joking.
The following tract takes place after a no good non-Christian guy name Bobby dies after admitting he had nothing to live for. This death is a great opportunity for Ol' Freddy Fanatic to preach to a young freckled face kid who is hanging around with an older smarmy arrogant non-Christian jerk.
"Haw haw" was how atheists used to laugh when this tract was written. Nowadays we snort and guffaw.
Actually, the man in black is making a lot of sense, but he's about to syphon nicotine through his lungs and potentially harm his body, so we know he's a bad guy, hey kids? Plus, he's wearing black - a dead give-away. Oh, and he's blowing smoke into the Christian's face. Bastard. Doesn't he know passive smoking is supposed to be bad. 
Apparently the approximate year 4370 is going to be a big year for remembering the first time you read a Chick tract comic book.
Luckily Christians revel in being persecuted, but still a cheap shot. Nasty atheist Bruce Wayne.
Warning: never discuss theology and drive or you're a "Bloody Idiot"
Chick is a bible expert. He knows there's no such place as purgatory. He's not falling for any of that purgatory crap. What nonsense.. purgatory... pffft. The giant white throne? Now that's for real!
Oh CRAP! Where the hell was the Scooby gang? Where was Fred and Daphne and the hippy guy when this villain was wearing masks in some amazing skkullduggery that even foiled those pesky darned kids. It was Lucifer all along. What a twist! I didn't see that one coming, and he's an ugly bugger too. I wonder why the devil has horns. Does he use them to defend himself?
Ex-Christian.net recently posted some youtubes of some of the Chick Tracts Films. They played all together at some film festivals (including the LA Film Festival, and Outfest, and some New York Festival as well). You can learn more about them at www.316now.com.
Always remember, Jesus loves you more than you can possibly comprehend. But, if for any reason whatsoever you don't come to accept the correct version of Christianity while still breathing air, then that loving god-man is going to make you suffer the most horrific and demented fate ever conceived. There will be no chance of parole or escape. You will not even be allowed to die. You will be tormented and tortured forever.
Always remember, Jesus loves you more than you can possibly comprehend. But, if for any reason whatsoever you don't come to accept the correct version of Christianity while still breathing air, then that loving god-man is going to make you suffer the most horrific and demented fate ever conceived. There will be no chance of parole or escape. You will not even be allowed to die. You will be tormented and tortured forever.
.
Unconditional love and grace: Isn't it truly amazing?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)